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Editors Note: This is not a dating article but more an "after dating" article. It is well written and full of useful information. Enjoy. If you're considering getting married in Russia then let me answer some of the technical and financial questions you may have and if I may be so bold, offer some advice. I am speaking from first-hand experience and what follows is a practical guide to getting married in Russia. It is not intended to be a detailed discussion of wedding traditions. Your fiancee can do all that for you. As for the requirements of the government of your home country, I can only speak about Canada. Your country’s requirements may be different. Here in the west we have the attitude that information should be readily available - not so in Russia. You will often encounter difficulties trying to find out the information you want and so I will share with you most of what you will need to know about the Russian wedding process. Do not be afraid! You should have, despite the differences and the minor difficulties, the best time of your life! Be patient; be calm; be persistent. You will succeed! I can’t wait for my second Russian wedding! Overview• Only a state marriage ceremony is legally recognized in Russia. • A Russian marriage is legally recognized in Canada without any special documentation. • The marriage process starts in Moscow. • The Canadian embassy in Moscow will provide you with an affidavit of eligibility to marry. This is a sworn declaration that you are free to marry. • Your embassy may have a different procedure. • Your embassy can provide, and you will need, an official translation of your passport. It will be needed at the Foreign Ministry [FM] and at ZAGS (wedding registrar). • You and your translator/fiancee take the affidavit to the FM to get a marriage letter. • Have your documents checked at a ZAGS before you leave Moscow. • In the city in which you will be married, you and your fiancee go to ZAGS. Zags will schedule a day, approximately 30 days hence, for your ceremony. • On the day of the wedding, you and your wedding party arrive at ZAGS and the ceremony is performed. Not required but traditional: • If you agreed to have photos done at ZAGS, have your photos taken. • You will drive around the city having your photo taken at various local landmarks. Snacks and drinking en route are the norm. • Arrive at the location of your wedding banquet. • Spend the next 6 - 8 hours having the time of your life! • The day after your wedding celebrate some more! • Go on your honeymoon The Devil is in the Details Moscow is the center of the Russian universe. All the embassies and ministries are located here. In Moscow if you can afford it, hire a driver for the day. Traffic will drive you crazy and add to the stress. Addresses in Moscow can be difficult to find and taxi drivers often don't know how to go the last 500 meters to your destination. However, these trips can be done via subway and on foot. The subway in Moscow is one of the best! I found the local militsiya to be quite helpful in providing directions. The prices that I am quoting are from late 2005 and are given in Russian roubles [RR], for a small town in central Siberia, where prices are typically higher. Your mileage may vary. All in, my small wedding probably cost around 125 thousand RR ($5,000 CD). Not bad compared to what the same thing would have cost here in Canada. Arrange IN ADVANCE with your embassy to provide the documents required by the Foreign Ministry. At the Canadian embassy the process was quite simple. You hand over your passport, swear that you are free to marry and a few minutes later you will receive the letter that the FM will need. The cost of this service was around 250 RR (2005). If you were previously married your divorce decree will not be needed. Do not offer it, it will only add delay and confusion to the process. The FM will provide a Marriage Letter stating that you, the foreigner, are eligible to be married in Russia. Without this letter ZAGS can't perform a marriage between a Russian and foreigner. It may come to pass that while at the FM the fellow in charge of this document shakes his head and says it will take a long time to prepare the document. At this time, you might want to ask if they offer an 'Express' or 'VIP' service. This should not be thought of as a bribe. Canada for instance offers an express service for passports that reduces the wait-time for a few extra dollars. However, do not ask for a receipt for this additional consideration - nudge-nudge-wink-wink. VIP service might cost as much as 3000 to 4000 RR. The actual cost of the marriage letter will be 200 - 300 RR, as I recall. The fees for most government services are affordable to almost all Russians and so should seem quite cheap for us rich foreigners. If you paid for VIP service then you can probably pick up your letter in about an hour. Otherwise, enjoy your stay in Moscow until it's ready! Before you leave Moscow, go to a ZAGS and have them check your documents!!! This will give you the chance to make adjustments without the need to make another trip to Moscow if a mistake is found. In your fiancee's home town, you two will go to ZAGS. ZAGS is the place where life events (marriages, divorces, births, etc.) are registered. At ZAGS, they will check your documents. Your fiancee will need an official copy of her divorce decree if she is divorced and her internal passport. You will need to provide the translation of your passport, your actual passport and the marriage letter from the FM. If ZAGS has a problem with any of your documents you will need to have the problem resolved before they can proceed. This happened to me. Upon inspection, ZAGS officials decided that the translation of my passport was missing the typed name of the person at the Canadian embassy who made the translation. We had to track down the official translator for the city to have her make a new, correct, translation. Cost: 200 - 300 RR but there was a delay of a day. Remember, you can always ask for express service! You can even ask for express service at ZAGS bit don’t expect to receive it. Once my documents were in order we resumed the process at ZAGS. If your documents are all in order the friendly staff at ZAGS will schedule a date, usually at least 30 days in the future. ZAGS has a very tight wedding schedule and the summer months are the most popular for weddings. You may not be able to get your preferred date so be flexible. The staff will offer you a post-ceremony photo session and show you a book of examples. Buy lots of photos - you are, after all a rich foreigner! Make sure you buy enough to give to family members and others in the wedding party. ZAGS will also suggest music and this is a must-have. We paid for a ZAGS musician to play some music during the ceremony. I seem to recall that you must pre-pay for the photos. The fee for the wedding is small but after photos and music, I think the cost was between 3000 and 4000 Rub. ZAGS will keep your fiancee's internal passport until just after the wedding. They will do their own security check of both your documents. After the wedding ceremony, ZAGS will return your bride’s passport with a new stamp indicating that she is married. As a foreigner, you are not eligible for the same stamp. Depending on your preferences, you may want to try to schedule the wedding for later in the day, giving you lots of time for preparations. On the day of the wedding you will need to pick up everything that hasn't already been picked up. You'll need time to get dressed, spend some time with the photog or video guy. The bride-to-be will need time for hair and make up and getting dressed and time to be nervous and time with the photog. You'll need time to decorate the cars. Depending on her family’s customs, there may also be a very interesting traditional activity just before you try to leave the flat to go to ZAGS. Several of her friends or neighbors may hold her ransom and insist that you perform some heroic deed to prove your worth as her future husband and maybe even pay a small ransom! This could take a half an hour so be ready. Three local grannies cornered me and made me recite a poem, sing a love song and pay a 1000 rouble ransom! Anyway… you asked her to marry you some time ago, gave her a ring, etc., but you aren't considered engaged until the wedding is scheduled by ZAGS! In Russia this is when the official engagement period begins. The evening of your successful trip to ZAGS you should expect to have a party with close friends and family to celebrate your betrothal. A note about prices: God help you if you're getting married in Moscow! It's as expensive as Paris! You may well find, as I did time and time again, that the price on the phone is less than the price at the door. This is typical. No, they're not trying to rip you off, it's just their way. Again, information isn't always readily available to staff at the places you might contact, so their quote may just be an educated guess. I have had this happen to me when buying train tickets, plane tickets, hotel rooms - you name it. Only fees for government services seem to be stable. Negotiating the Price As often as is practicable, give your fiancee a price range for products or services and let her do the talking while you hide in some corner. Often, the price will go up when the locals know a foreigner is doing the paying. Do realize, however, that this can be quite stressful on your bride! She probably doesn't feel very comfortable spending your money and she also has to worry about her Mama thinking she isn't economical! Arrangements So, the arrangements at ZAGS are done and now you just have to wait until the day of your wedding, right? Well, no, and for God's sake don't leave Russia right away! Of course, you can if you really have to, but there's still a lot of work to be done. Your bride-to-be will want your input on EVERYTHING, particularly since you will be paying for everything. Your fiancee will expect you to pay and she will likely be shy about asking for things, particularly as she sees the cost rise. Don't wait for her to ask about something. Be aware of what the wedding entails and then offer her the best you can afford. Anyway, what will you need to arrange for your wedding ceremony? In addition to the above mentioned, there will be the following: Clothes Clothes for you, your bride, her children may need something appropriate. Want to get in good with your mother-in-law to be? Give your fiancee a couple hundred bucks and tell her to get something nice for 'Mama'. Shoes! Women in Russia are no different and she will need new shoes to go with her wedding dress. You can get a beautiful gown for less than 10 thousand RR. Shoes may be 2000 – 4000 RR. For her, don't forget that she may need some appropriate costume jewelry to go with the dress, as well as a pre-wedding manicure, pedicure, and hairstyle. In fact, Mama will want to have her hair done as well - does she have kids? So, clothing, hair, makeup all around! Banquet Probably the most important thing to arrange is the banquet. Start this one early, particularly if you'll be married during the summer. It's not unusual for wedding banquets to be held at the local high-school cafeteria with guests providing the food, but you're a rich foreigner so you'd better do this right! If you decide to have the banquet at a restaurant then: Check out several restaurants in advance. Take your bride and maybe her maid of honor and her husband if she's married (these people will likely be your witnesses at the wedding). Talk to the manager of the restaurant. Prices for the food and alcohol will be from the menu. There may be extra charges for a separate room for your party. A Russian wedding banquet isn't a real banquet unless the table is near to collapse with the weight of the food. Use small tables, order lots of food. Ensure that there isn’t too much space between chairs. We had our wedding banquet at the best restaurant in the city, in a separate room with huge tables. Although we ordered about 1 kg of food per person the table seemed embarrassingly empty when we arrived, even though all the food was laid out among huge candelabras, bottles of wine, vodka, juice and water. Order more than you think is sufficient - ever the economical heart of the home, the grannies will take whatever is left over. You may also attract a few stray bachelors to the party or have a few unexpected guests. You will also need all that food to fuel you and your guests for the best party of your life! Our wedding banquet lasted 10 hours – from 6 p.m. 'till 4 a.m. A word to the wise On the day of your wedding, anyone – even a complete stranger – can congratulate you on your wedding and offer to buy you a drink or an entire bottle of champagne. You will then be obliged to sit and have a drink with your new friend. You may not refuse unless your religion or physician has prohibited alcohol. As there will be wine and champagne and vodka and the drinking starts the moment you leave ZAGS, I advise the following: Be prepared to drink for 12 – 15 hours. Pace yourself. Drink lots of water and eat small amounts of food constantly. Oh and before I forget, after you are married, call your new mother-in-law, ‘Mama’. Never, never, never call her ‘Tyosha’ [Ò¸ùà] unless you’re trying to make her feel unloved. Òàìàäà A traditional and therefore must-have feature of a Russian wedding is the Tamada (a Georgian word), or toast-master, master of ceremonies. Basically, the Tamada is responsible for the entertainment of the guests during the banquet. He or she will schedule every moment to maximize everyone’s enjoyment. She will prepare toasts and games, skits and music and dancing and occasionally leave you in peace to eat, drink and be merry. Go with the flow and have a great time! For heaven's sake don't make the same mistake I made. At some point during the evening's activities, your bride may be kidnapped! They may offer a substitute bride - do not, as I did, think you are going along with the game and accept the substitute! You should politely reject the new girl and demand the return of your beloved. You may have to pay huge ransom of candy to some darling little girl but you will eventually get your bride back! If you're not a fan of accordion music all I can say is that it's not a real Russian wedding without an accordion! The old folks will absolutely want the accordion so make sure that Tamada or her assistant play one. In addition to the cost of the banquet hall, food, alcohol and the wedding cake, there will also be decorations, prizes and candy that will need to be bought and set up at the banquet site before you arrive. Ask if Tamada will take care of this. As I recall, the cost of Tamada, her assistant and the decorations was between 4000 and 5000 RR. Also, ask Tamada is she will arrange the special wedding bread that will be needed. Oh yes, then there's the two wine glasses that you will need to break (300 RR). Transportation You will need to arrange cars for the wedding party. Depending on the size of her home town, you will likely be able to arrange transport from a Taxi company. They will give you a price for the day. Decide with your fiancee who will need transport and who can provide their own. Have extra cash on hand at the end of the banquet to pay for taxis for those who drove themselves but at the end of the banquet shouldn't drive themselves home. Price for a car and driver for the day was around 2000 RR. Half up-front, the rest at the end of the evening. The wedding party cars will need to be decorated. There are shops dedicated to servicing weddings and they will have wedding gowns, suits, decorations for the banquet hall and for the cars. Price to rent the car decorations was 300 – 400 RR per car. Do an inventory of the materials rented when you pick them up and return them. One of our drivers ‘lost’ some of the decorations for our car and we had to re-pay the full purchase price. City Tour After the ceremony at ZAGS you will drive around town visiting local landmarks. There will be toasts and food to keep you going. Photos will be taken at every stop. This can easily go on for three or four hours. Unless some member of the party offers, you will be expected to provide the food and drink for this part of your big day. Typically, everyone drinks Russian champagne, which doesn't cost more than about 180 RR per bottle for the best Moskovskoye Champanskoye. You will need to provide glasses for this activity, in addition to the food and drink. Don't forget about sok (juice) for the kids! Video/Photos Of course you will want photos and probably a DVD of your wedding so you'll have to find someone to do this. Tamada can probably suggest one or two people that she knows and likes to work with. Plan on spending a couple of hours each with prospective Tamadas as well as photographers to meet and view their work and make the necessary arrangements. Pay half up front and half on delivery. Expect to feed the Tamada and photographer and/or videographer as well as to accommodate their transportation needs. Price: I can only quote for a DVD - 5500 RR. Important Note! Make sure that you have someone - anyone - take photos of you and your bride, you and her friends, you and her family during your entire stay in Russia. Your country's immigration service will likely want to see photographic evidence of a real wedding. A DVD or CD may not be accepted. The ZAGS Ceremony When you arrive at ZAGS there will be a half a dozen wedding parties waiting for their turn. You will present yourselves to the officials and register for the ceremony. While you are waiting, note what happens when a couple exits the ceremony hall. Everyone claps and congratulates the newlyweds. When your turn comes, you will be guided by one of the staff into the hall and there ceremony will begin immediately. The MC will conduct the ceremony from the dais while you and the wedding party are gathered in the central part of the hall. You will be asked twice by the official if you agree (to something) - get your bride to squeeze your hand gently when it's time for you to say, "Da". Then you will both go up to the dais and sign the wedding register, your bride will do the same, followed by your two witnesses. When you and your bride descend take her hand and help her down from the dais. You can involve children in the ceremony in some way, perhaps as ring bearers, as we did. I won't describe the ceremony in any detail, your fiancee can do that. When the ceremony is finished you will be led out of the hall, the gathered throngs will applaud and congratulate you and you will proceed to the photo area for pictures. A few photos and some paperwork and then you are free to leave for the tour of the city! The Day After It's traditional to continue the celebrations at the home of the bride on the second day. Usually. it's just family and close friends that attend but you will need to provide food and drink for your guests. The Honeymoon Of course, this is optional, but it does provide further evidence of a real relationship if you and your bride can take off for a few days just to be together. Don't forget to have strangers take photos of the newlyweds!!! A Final Word About Documents Before you leave any office with your newly minted documents or translations, have your fiancee check to see that all appears in order. Check with ZAGS before you leave Moscow to ensure that you know what you need and that everything is in order. Russian bureaucracy is famous for their lack of tolerance of mistakes. One more essential item: A Tide stain removal pen, available at supermarkets everywhere! Finally, get an official copy of your marriage certificate to take back to your home country where it can be translated from Russian. Timeline• Your embassy in Moscow • Russian Foreign Ministry • ZAGS in Moscow to confirm documents • ZAGS in her home town • Engagement Party • Arrangements • 30 days later… • Day-Of Preparations • ZAGS Ceremony • ZAGS Photos • City Tour • Banquet • Second Day • The visa immigration process!!! | ||||||||||
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