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International marriage is not for the faint of heart but for adventurers. It requires its participants to look at the world in a different way, change long-established patterns of behavior, cope with the prejudices of two cultures, learn new skills, new language and to be extra caring and understanding of a foreign partner. The global perspective that comes from living in a home built upon two cultures is a gift one can pass along to future generations. Whether you are in a marriage with someone from the same country or in an international marriage, any type of marriage will require commitment, attention, dedication and work. An international marriage will require even more care because of obstacles that you won't have in a marriage where two people come from same countries and backgrounds. Major challenges I believe married couples face in an international marriage are: 1 Language Barrier Often language can become a barrier to mutual understanding or a cause of arguments only because the "nuances" of words can mislead the intent of what he or she is trying to say. 2 Sex and Role Expectations Is your woman independent and career minded or does she wish to be a housewife and a mother with no wish or desire for "equality"? Does she expect her husband to be the head of the household or does she want to be an equal partner? If you want to keep your wife in the kitchen and at home then first find out what your partner expectations are. Discuss your partners expectations in the areas of mealtime, holidays, finances, sex, chores and roles. 3 Differences in Values Values can come from various sources. You might have personal values but you also have values that you learned from your parents, society and your country. Every culture and society has their own unique value system and you want to be aware of this when you start dating someone abroad. To avoid any possible uneasiness in the future, accept that cultural roots go deep and that people don't change easily or quickly. If you cannot understand or if you feel uncomfortable with his or her culture then it could be possible that the relationship is not a good match. Read, talk and learn about one another's culture. Visit each others countries, watch movies, listen to music, go see sights, read history books, talk to different people, find out what your partner is proud of and get to know your partner's friends and family. Talk with one another about which traditions you want to carry on as a couple and with your children. 4 Religious and Political Conflicts The more significant differences in background that a couple has the greater are the challenges that need to be resolved before and during marriage. Sometimes their efforts to reach a consensus can draw the couple closer together. With other couples their differences will drive them apart. The religious factor can be a particularly major stressor because the couple may have conflicting views on morality, ethics, theology, world view, family traditions, etc. These may influence many of their decisions, wants, priorities, and needs. When the couple is dating and later become engaged, inter-faith conflicts may not be particularly serious. Even in the initial years of marriage difficulties may not be significant to them. Many couples defer resolution of their inter-faith status until later in marriage perhaps when their first child arrives. If your beliefs are very important to you then it will be necessary to find someone who shares the same beliefs or you must make an effort to compromise. Both spouses can withdraw from organized religious activity or affiliate with both denominations. If both of you are willing to compromise you can merge your religious traditions and become an ecumenical family and thus find a common ground 5 Financial Complications Monthly bills, finances and credit card debt can be features of an awkward marital conflict. It's essential that you and your spouse or spouse-to-be learn healthy ways to find out about each others financial expectations. Sit down together and discuss money and how to handle your finances. Money management can be a cause of stress for most couples, which can also be a reason for divorce. One difference between people who stay together and those who split is how they manage their financial conflicts. - Regardless of who earns how much make a fair division of responsibility for both routine family financial decisions and the major ones. - Set short and long-term goals together and stick to them unless you both agree to change them. - Be sure each partner has some money they can spend however they like. The amount, of course, depends on your financial circumstances. Your spouse should never have to beg for money!!! - If you spend more than you earn work out a budget together and follow it for at least a year. In summary: It takes lots of time, energy and effort to overcome these barriers. Communication, patience and desire to change and accept changes are the key element leading to successful international marriage. Focus on the positives - a sense of humor is one of the best ways to cope with difficulties and challenges that arise in life and in a marriage. This doesn't mean you don't take anything seriously, it simply means you've decided to lighten up and look on the bright side of things. For some people having fun is something they've forgotten how to do. Because of the cares of life and pressures at work, having fun can be difficult. Since most of the time it is a girl who moves to a husbands country and home, it's important for a husband who is home-based to help his wife to lighten up, feel welcome, less stressed and less "scared". Surprise your spouse with a favorite dessert or small presents; have fun means; go out on dates; take day trips, go on hikes and adventures. Plan an outing as a surprise. Have a little fun and at the same time help your spouse to get accommodated, feel at ease and at home The last tip is to be open and honest. Remember that marriage is a two way street - it works both ways only. Good luck, it's all worth it! | ||||||||||
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