Why are you here?

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Why are you here?

krymell 35 y.o. , UK-England

Why are you here?

current mood horny

01.31.09 03:15:39 AM

Relationship & Dating

Rating :

The title of this blog is self explanatory. I find it increasingly confusing on LL by the amount of people who seem to have no real purpose, no real idea what they are looking for and more importantly no idea how to conduct a conversation!

I guess we all have ideas of what we are looking for, but it strikes me that unless someone matches some sort of idealist iterpretation of perfection in their eyes, they are constantly disappointed!

Are we really the remains of society that can't ever find happiness? Are we condemned to drift on a sea of despair, searching across an endless blackness at a distance light that we call hope?

I have read comments from other members who have had thousands of hits on their profiles but had no success in finding anyone. To me that does not really make sense, it is the fact this is the internet and we believe in our hearts that a soul mate lurks somewhere hidden from view on this planet?

I have asked the question befoe, is it is a cultural thing, that divides us? Is is a monetary thing that divides the have's and have nots?

Or are all our views clouded by the perception that you can't really find love in virtual reality?

So, my question is a simple one, why are you here?????

Comments

selinko

01.31.09

I have been asking the same question recently. Recent blogs would tend to suggest a significant proportion of people on LL for penpal/ friendship purposes. I'm looking for a partner, but wonder if collectively we are expecting too much from the medium.

I had a look at the available matches. A search of the total female members shows 133276 registered, but only 62531 with photos. I made the assumption that those active in the last month were still searching and then the numbers drop to 9745 and 8158 with photos. When I add a couple of search filters (with photo, non smoker & prefers partner of my age) then the search pool becomes 4410 .....that is in age bracket 18 to 99. Refining that to the age group I wish to meet becomes 1500 and that drops to 424 if marriage and English is also used as a filter. Still not bad you think .... well this assumes I am a perfect match for these 424 ladies who also have their own criteria.

I believe it has been said before but perhaps some are seeking unobtainable perfection in the search for a partner. I think a pattern has also become established in responding to mails, initiating and concluding contacts which would be totally unacceptable in face to face contacts. I am as guilty myself! And I have to agree with you add that to cultural differences and the vagaries of the online translator there are major obstacles..... Still I'm always the optimist and in the end I believe that is what matters. LL is a tool to aid and whether it works for you is up to you.

krymell

01.31.09

Can I just say what a great comment, and an excellent piece of research too!

alenika

01.31.09

Most girls are here to find their mates - that's for sure :-)

Those who are in forum - it's different though, many of them already foudn their mates, here in LL or somewhere else. And forum is the place where they can communicate to friends they created while were in search. That is, don't judge based on blogs or forums, most women are in search. This doesn't mean though it is easy to find the mate. One should be patient. And everyone has it's own way :-)

admin

01.31.09

last night I had an interesting conversation with one lady on the site while we were testing our new private chat,
she is 39, nice lady, genuine, sophisticated very intelligent person, but one problem is she is looking for somebody of her age, not a problem of course in general, but a problem for her, she says guys in their early 40th are not attracted to a woman of her age, please, do not get me wrong, I have nothing against age gap dating and marriages, if 2 have a huge age difference and are in love, best of luck, I will be happy for them, but don't you think that a world where a lady of a certain age can not find a suitable partner of the same age is a little bit screwed up?
not judging, just caring..... I would have you all married fast and painless and close the site for good, if it was up to me...

krymell

02.01.09

Well thanks Admin...(do you have a better nickname?). I thank you personally for this site as although I have not found my perfect partner (yet) it has allowed me to meet some great and not so great people! I also have made some fantastic and loyal friends, which without your help would never have happened!

As to the lady, part of my blog point was in people's expectations. Should she open herself out to any age...she may well find someone who is her soulmate!

Age is not very relevant in my opinion. I have met people who never grew up, I have met others who seem much older than their age. It is a person's personality you gel with not an artificial number we have created to define the passage of time!

It ttakes all sorts to make this world ...you just need to find what works best for you ...

alenika

02.01.09

Age is not relevant for men, but still they usually are in search of those who are much yonger, especially if woman is from FSU.

I witnessed quite often in forums when men in 50's are discussing woman from FSU, posting their photos and who is close to 40 and say that she is beatiful, pity she is old already. In their 50's they should consider themselves ancient then.

selinko

02.01.09

Alenika, age does not seem relevant for women from FSU either. A large proportion of profiles I've reviewed are seeking men 5 to 15 years older, a significant number are looking for an age gap of 20 to 25 years. I cannot offer a reason for this or their motivation, just an observation. Given that is it really surprising what you witnessed in forums?
I can only agree with krymell, there are many people who act much older than they are and as many who are kids at heart. You need to find the person who suits you. I tend to look at what is written by individuals first.

alenika

02.01.09

It is surprising for me, yes. Because I always thought that people choose what they think is true and correct for them, not what is available. And if man considers that it's not ok to date kids, he will not do this even if this is available. If I think it's wrong to date boy 15 years younger me, no young sexy boy can convince me to date him even if try to jump in my bed. But men from West easy get used to the idea that they can choose young sexy body - because they "can" now, because young girls are "available" for them now. And even when before starting the search they was not even thinking about dating someone a lot younger,t hey very soon find those who are "only" 10 years younger as old ones.

I find this deeply unethical. And this shows me how ethical most westerm men are.

As actually I have yet to meet those who will тещ think that something wrong is right just because it is available.

And when they enter in argument in other forum with a fefw those who think it's not correct to do this, they quicly move to market discussion - about supply and demand.

While normal people don't depend on supply, they depend on their own desire to care of others. In this case they'd lie to others and themselves speaking of love with someone 20-30 years younger them.

Old men are old men. Just sometimes they are rich. And older men just seem richer and more realible for younger girls. Which is not true. One who is not mature when younger, will never become mature.

selinko

02.01.09

I do understand what you say, but to reiterate my point 'age does not seem relevant for women from FSU'. I do not know why. I have read that it is because they seek maturity and stability. I was hoping for some feedback as to motivation which is sadly absent.

By inference the reputation of all women who seek an older partner is similarly deeply unethical, but you comments are uniquely lopsided. I would not presume to be so pedantic. Perhaps because I am ancient I recognize there is a spectrum of behavior and very few absolutes.

I have a personal view that the larger the age gap the more transactional the relationship, but I have no evidence to qualify that impression. However given what is established, searching for a partner of the same age on this or similar sites is unlikely to be successful. Which loops back to the original question raised by krymell 'Why are you here?'

alenika

02.01.09

They do this for different reasons:
1) some really feel more comfortable with older men - either because find them more reliable or some other reasons,
2) some thing they'll feel more comfortable with older men - but later find out they were mistaken,
3) some seek older men because younger men seek younger women. And older men is all what is available to them - it's like compromising wishes and opportunities,
4) some don't do deliberate seach and are on site for communication to see what happens, in this case they broaden their choices.
5) some seek older men because know it is easier for them to temptate them. But actually what to get things from him. It's scammers. They can go from gettgin soem presents, to gettgin some money, to getting green card.

A lot of different reasons. I could think of more. You can think them yourself though.

alenika

02.01.09

Concerning older men seeking younger women - when they deliberately search only much younger women, the spectrum becomes very narrow - the narrower the narrower age requirements are.

For example if man is seeking only for those women who are 15-30 years younger then the conclusion (and spectrum) is clear. Btw I doubt that there are the same many women (if any) who are seeking for partners only 15-30 years older. Most if make wide age range, then this is from their age to 20-25 more. And be sure they PREFER those who are closer to their age, but will ACCEPT those who are much older. That is, if woman is 30 she can seek for 30-55. She will not put 50-70.

alenika

02.01.09

Perhaps because I am ancient

btw it was not me who suggested you were ancient. That's those 50 y.o. men who consider women 10 years younger them as old, actually suggest by this that they are ancient.
I don't think anyone is ancient, if they don't behave like one.

alenika

02.01.09

Perhaps because I am ancient

krymell

02.01.09

Alenika stop hogging my blog - get your own!

alenika

02.01.09

hogging? ok, good luck in further communication if you want only those who write only what you expect.

selinko

02.01.09

Please alenika !!! I was making a joke at my own expense, don't take it to heart

snow_flake

02.01.09

Woow.

Age differences again ))))))))))))

But Alenika, those 2 gentlemen preferances arent so bad)))))). I mean, when i compare to Shadoff ))))))))))

belano4ka

02.11.09

Age differences here we go again ...Erik, Shadow is just Shadow ..he's like Snoflake unique :)